you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
