I smell stomach acid.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
