Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
