Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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