i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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