I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
