I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
