I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
