He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
