Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
