I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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