Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
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Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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