Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
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she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
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Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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