last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think i peed on brittanys purse
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
