winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
