1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
