bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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