I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
