Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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