I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
