He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
