No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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