Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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