how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
