smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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