You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
