it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
