There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
