The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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