if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
