god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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