PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
