Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
