But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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