so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
