the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
