I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
my poor anus
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
