I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
