Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
