do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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