I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
