I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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