There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
