and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I supernannyed him into submission
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
