There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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