her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
