i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
