Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I wish I only lived at night.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
