I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
we're so committed to being not committed
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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