I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
