I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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