im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
