dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
