When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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