why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
