Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
