If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
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You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
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I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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