"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
