I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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