Moan for me like Helen Keller
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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