just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
