i think my mom watched the whole time
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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