So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
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News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
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I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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