In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.