Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
