Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
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we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Send help, water and tortillas.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
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you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.