every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.