you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
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I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.