i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.