Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"