I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?