dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
