I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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