I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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