Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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