1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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