i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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