plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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