Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
