The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
