:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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