Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
