Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
