Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
