"it" just moved
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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