just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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